I only recently figured out why Chris LaMont is called "Dickless LaMont".  We grew up together as best friends and that's the name he was called by everyone during the many years we spent together.  I didn't think it was very nice, but when I asked him about it, he said it was an affectionate title and that's what I should call him.  The girls at school would speculate it had more to do with a small penis, or some other such nonsense.

My best guess was the name had something to do with the fearless way he was always shoplifting.  I now know this title was given to him when it was heard that he was conspiring to swindle his closest friend, FIVE YEARS before he actually committed the crime!

It didn't matter to me what we called each other.  We both called our other best friend "Wussie" or "The Wussman" and he didn't mind either.  I suppose I should've been more suspecious of someone called "Tiny Dick" but we were best friends.  Besides,  I never could've imagined anyone having such poor moral character as to betray a lifetime friendship.  My mother was more perceptive and would "ground me from the Weenie" on occasion.  In these cases I was not allowed to hang-out with Chris for a week or two at a time.

poor moral character as to betray a lifetime friendship

During those early years Chris and I did everything together.  We published a fan magazine, started a film festival, held a carnival, and ran several charity events for children's disease research.  Our biggest passion though, was cinema and filmmaking.  We began making films together when we were just children in the fourth grade and it continued well into high school.

The last time we worked together was on our first feature length film.  It was a big challenge being only two young men, but we were up to it.  I had just gotten new camera equipment and we were eager to show what we could do.

scumbag steals his friend's film, then runs & hides like a coward

I've often wondered "What kind of scumbag would steal his best friend's film, then run & hide like a coward?" Would anyone actually do that?  That's exactly what happened when I chose to trust Chris LaMont.

After relentless begging and swearing on his own life and the life of his unborn children, I finally agreed to allow Chris LaMont to help me catalog my priceless 70 mm film collection.  That was the last time I saw my film.  Chris has not yet returned my property.

Every time I asked Chris about my film, he said that he would return it "the next time he saw me" or some other bull-shit excuse, ...and then he just faded away.  He stopped returning my calls, had his unlisted phone changed, and even moved.  On one occassion I saw Chris in a crowd with some of our friends, as I called for him and began to approach he literally ran away!

a true asshole would do such a thing

I wasn't sure why "The Weenie" was avoiding me or perhaps it was a series of coincidence and he would have a good explanation.  After all, how long could he possibly run for?  Ten years?  More?  What was he going to do, ditch his best friend out of sheer greed? Sooner or later he would have to account for it and face me.  Only a true asshole would do such a thing.

But sure enough, for more than ten years Christopher E. Lamont avoided me. I had no idea what really happened to him or my film, or why he wouldn't go to any effort to let me know how he was, or what he was doing.

I hoped that after all the time that had passed, Chris would be eager to tell me what he's been doing with his life and about his involvement with various film projects.  However, several more years would pass before I finally had the chance to meet with Chris LaMont again in person.