Chris,

Yes, my priceless and irreplaceable, million-dollar historic film collection DOES mean a lot to me. It's not some trinket you just take. That's why I made it perfectly clear to you not to screw around, that I wanted it returned in its entirety and that my selling price is one-million dollars.

That's the price you agreed to pay if FOR ANY REASON you failed to return it. YOU offered as collateral everything you have, everything you have ever had and everything you ever will have, until you have replaced every single frame of my collection. In addition, you swore on the lives of your two children that you would spend the rest of your life trying to replace it, if FOR ANY REASON you failed to return it. Furthermore, you agreed not to so much as watch another movie until my film collection was returned to me.

These are the terms YOU AGREED TO when begging me on your knees to allow you the great honor of "helping me" catalog my collection. This is an unbreakable promise and you have waived all other rights you may have had. On top of all that, you swore on your own life that you would not make me chase you and beg for my property to be returned.

...then what did you do? Go ahead and tell yourself the truth. You stole my film and ran off like a little baby for what's it been now, twenty-six years?!! I don't want to hear about some "misunderstanding."

You asked me if you could "have it" and my answer was a very clear "No, you CAN NOT have my film collection." I said NO. What part of that have you not been able to accept? What is it about your life that you cannot live without MY property?

Truly, I didn't think there was any possible way that my two "best" friends would steal my most prized possession and then spend the rest of their lives running like a couple of little dirt-bags. Don't you have even the smallest piece of honor or integrity? Do you know what those words mean? Didn't you take an ethics class at ASU? It means, admit when you are wrong and make it right.

...you walked out on film production after my family spent all that money buying us equipment. Then I had to try and explain why they saw you on PBS, since you claimed you had no interest in making films anymore. I had to listen to them for 10 years while they kept asking why they spent all that money on us and we were not making the films we promised them.
...you spent all of your high school years running from Greg and I while we ruled theater arts.
...you finally got a girlfriend, but kept on PRETENDING that "you couldn't find me."
...you got your first car, but kept PRETENDING.
...your first apartment, ...still being a jerk.
...worked on your first film but had to keep it a big secret.
...then you hi-jack the film festival we started for your sister!!

If you have some great explanation of why after two days of "helping me" catalog my collection you didn't return it, I'd love to hear about it. Keep in mind that being a dirt-bag is not an excuse. The only conversation we have had since the day you "borrowed" my film, was about you returning it. Now, I have given you more than enough opportunities to make this right but you just keep on running from me. Why?

Why haven't you returned my property?

...after two days per our binding contract?

...before I moved to California two years later?

...while I was in California (rather than hanging up the phone on me).

...when I got back 8 months later and stayed for several years?

...when I saw you in public?

...when I came to your condo?

...when I came to your work?

...when I called in 2002?

...when I came in 2005?

...Now?

Chris, you need to just grow up and return my property. I don't have any reason to believe that you don't still have it. The only reason you have to keep running from me is if you DO still have it. Otherwise, why wouldn't you just tell me what was so important that you would sacrifice ALL of you integrity over, ...and what it was that you just couldn't life your life without.

Besides, according to Greg (which you didn't dispute) you do still have "a lot" of my film.

You also made several references like "it's not yours anymore" and "it's not worth very much money" and even... "it's mine now, you abandoned it." If you had really "lost" it then you would've said, "it wasn't yours" or "it wasn't worth very much" or "it was mine after you abandoned it."

The only other rumor that I'm even remotely inclined to believe is that you spent MY college money on your college tuition, or you spent MY film money on your film, or  that you spent MY film festival money to start "your" film festival. Perhaps you spent MY car money on your car? or MY house money on your house. Now that's not what I think, I believe you have MY film stashed away safely in your closet.

Either way, if YOU "lost" my priceless and irreplaceable historic film collection, why would you not feel obligated to replace it like you swore to do?

If I "lost" something of yours, you would want me to replace it, wouldn't you? ...if I offered everything I am and have as collateral?

It's not too late for you to salvage some of your honor and integrity. You could still live perhaps another forty years and try much harder not to be a scumbag. Otherwise, I'm going to be obligated to keep my promise and spend the rest of MY life trying to convince you to keep YOUR promises and warning unsuspecting victims of your poor moral character. I will make sure that as many people as possible hear the story of "Chris Lamont - The Weasel."  Do you want your children and grandchildren to know what a scumbag you have been for your whole life?

Ok, are you ready? Here's the question:

Where is my film?
or
What did you do with my film?